Sunday, 7 June 2015

The Not-so-great Depression

Was talking to my friend the other day and mentioned about bloggers. She said she doesn't read blogs that promote stuff, only the personal ones. I told her that I don't promote things, but looking back at my recent posts, I've turned into "one of those bloggers" *gasp**sigh*. (not paid to do any of them)

So here's something very personal.

I have a battle with depression.

I'm not writing this to get "are you okay?", "you're so brave", but instead, I want people to know how I got in and out of it.

A lot of factors threw me into the depressed state. Most of them could be settled if I had (a lot more) money, but love and work were the other big contributors.  

How I "detected" it
I went to a doctor because I had these "slight tremors" on my hands, and I had a bad chest pain over a period of a few weeks. It was on the left side so my fear was heart related. (I have a bad relationship with meat and oily food). The doctor couldn't find a problem for the chest pain, so he gave me pain killers, twice.  And for the tremors he gave me a test for hyperthyroid. The results came out normal and I asked what could be another cause, and he said: anxiety. I was crying every day during that period of time, and every little thing made me tear up. The doctor saw that I wasn't "normal" so he wrote a letter of recommendation for me to see a psychiatrist at PPUM. (You'll need one if you're going to a government shrink). I thought of going to a private psychiatrist, but I after knowing the price/hour, I decided that the bill would throw me deeper into depression.

I procrastinated on going to the psychiatrist because I told myself that I don't need one. (And the fact that they're only available during working hours helped fuel my procrastination). In the end, without realizing it, I got out of the depressed state.

I tried calling Befrienders but sadly, the guy who answered my call didn't seem interested to help.

After thinking and looking back, here are a few things that I did to help me crawl out of the pit:

1. Distract yourself
I was stuck with a very negative mindset so I couldn't think straight. Nothing matters anymore and nothing is interesting. If I died, no one would flash across my mind. There was no purpose in life and I was lost.

This part is the hardest to get past, but hang in there. 

Find something to distract yourself so that you don't have time to think. Find someone to hang out with. Volunteer somewhere and help others. Watch The Big Bang Theory or Modern Family from season. Let yourself be a couch potato.

2. Don't dwell at a place where you feel sad the most. 
For me, it was my room. I stayed back at work, hung out with my bitches. Anything to avoid being at home for long periods of time. 

3. Laugh it off. Seriously.
Find something that makes you laugh. Movies, comics, friends, etc. Cocoro introduced this Korean comic to me in an app called Webtoons. 
Specially recommending:  心灵的声音 (highly recommended, it's super funny!)
Recommended: 神之塔,高校之神 (got hooked with the storyline)

4. Break down your problems, solve them one by one. 
Problems look overwhelming when they gang up on you, but every problem could be broken into smaller problems. If you tear them up, you can solve them. Take baby steps.

Some problems can't be solved in a short time, but you need to come to terms with it. Take it slow. It will be better. 

5. Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you
When I went for the worse, only 2 people knew, and I'm glad that I confided in them, because they were the ones who pulled me up from this pit. My sister tried to help but I can't help but push her away. It's not that I don't appreciate her help, it's just that I just can't just welcome everyone in. 

Remember to hang out with people who care. There always will be someone who cares. 

I'm a lot better now. I have no idea if full recovery is possible, because I still slip into it once in awhile, but when I do, I go back to the "tips" and they (still) work.

Good luck!

That's what J_Fish has to say~ Au Revoir~
p.s. If you know someone who's going through this, the worst thing to say is "cheer up". It's like asking someone who's hungry to "feel full". It doesn't work.

If you're going through this and need someone to talk to but are too shy to admit it to your friends or family, send me an email at