Saturday, 13 March 2010

hard times

these are hard times for me.

i'm sad.

sad for no good reason.

i'm busy with so many things, 

but when i have time, 

i drown myself in self-pity.

such a sad life this poor girl lives.

not happy even though she has so much.

her eyes are blinded by self-pity.
such a bimbo she is.

i heard quite a lot of good news from my friends lately.

they sound so happy.

but i can't feel their joy.

i am selfish and self-centered.

phrase of the post:
la tristesse me tue (pronounced la trist-ass me[as in mermaid without the r] tu)=
the sadness kills me

that's what j_fish had to express~ Au Revoir~

Friday, 12 March 2010

story of a girl

this is the story of a girl.
some people say that she's pretty,
but her coldness makes people hinder her.

they'll never know that under her skin,
there lies no soul.
she's a living dead.

the girl lived once.
when she was younger and friends were more precious than gold.

she fell in love with her best friend.
and that was the day her spirit bought the knife that killed her soul.
they were secretly a couple,
when she knew that her friend was with someone else.
only another friend knew about it.
one fine day,
her other half/best friend decided to spread rumours and gossip about her.
the friend never told her what she did wrong.
her friend succeeded with her plan to make people hinder her.
since she didn't have many friends,
she was alone for a quarter of a year.

She died,
the day her friend sold her soul to the devil.

the girl's body lived through the 3 months
and she was revived.
she found love on the face of earth,
a place 
where she thought was merely for her body to pass through meaningless days until it is time for her to go.
love resurrected her.
again, she lived.

and she died, again,
when her heart got stabbed by those few unkind words that her love spoke.
"i don't love you anymore".

again, she lived a dead life.
she turned cold.
her heart was never the same again.
it was frozen by the unkindness her little world has shown her.
she never trusted anyone after that.

it took her two years to unfreeze a puny of the block of ice in her ribcage.
she lived again, but her heart was still held captive by the ice queen.
she loved, again,
and she was loved,
but they were never together.
she was afraid.
her fragile heart could not stand another blast.

she acted strong but her heart's condition was reflected in her eyes.
she didn't talk much,
hence, no new friends.

when she finally left that sad, sad place,
she found love, again,
but not in boys,
but with great friends.
they melted her heart,
and yes, she lived a happy life.

everything was so lovely and wonderful.
but she was still cold.
she wanted people to feel how she feels,
so she tells people what she think.

without knowing,
her friend took a huge part of her heart,
and left it in the fridge.
she didn't die this time,
but it was obvious that she is not whole anymore.
she finally turned her feelings into words, 
and the words talked to her friend.

her friend gave her heart back.
they were friends like before.
she never expected that those days would one day end tragically.

after some time,
the same thing happens again.
the girl felt lonely.
she didn't want to talk to her friends about this again.
she expects that her friends would have remembered how her heart was refroze.
but she was wrong.
she threw in hints,
but they did not seem to get through.
she was still lonely.

she wants to think that her friends do love her,
but she can never know,
for they show no obvious gestures.
they do not know 
that she's just a simple girl who needs people to listen to her.
she missed her friends even though they live close by,
and she cries silently now and then, 
only with the moon hears her sobbing.

friends were more than precious to her,
they are the pillars of her fragile soul,
she needed them.
she doesn't know what she meant to them,
probably just another friend in another phase of their lives.

she hated the feeling
but she can't control how people think.
she thinks that there is no longer love in this place called home.
she wonders how many people would actually miss her when she's gone.

she decided to finish this misery of not knowing,
but she never get to know the answer,
because she's in a better place now,
where no friends have fridges, 
and the snow queen is just another mysterious name for a woman.
a place where everyone lives, 
no bodies without souls.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010


first time i was being coached.

not the basketball type of coaching.

it's something like counseling, but diff in a way.

my lect was doing this course and she asked for our help.

it's a way of helping her help ourselves. only one hour per session.

she gets the credit hours

we get the service for free! 

so this is how it goes...

make an appointment with her,

go there and talk to her....

the end.
it's that simple.

there's no boundaries on what you have to talk about.

just your "challenges". (that's how they call it coz problems sound very negative).
basically coaching is helping you move on with life.

say you have a problem somewhere in your life...

relationship with friends, family, bf/gf, assignments or just whatever.

the job of the coach is to talk to us (or rather we talk to them)

and they'll try to open our minds so that we see a bigger picture.

sometimes we just don't look up when we're sad or disturbed.

that's what they help us do.

i can't really name a problem challenge just now,

so we ended up chatting about everything.

and that usual question popped again:

why don't u have a bf?

I'm quoting this so don't say i'm perasan..
"young and attractive girls usually have boyfriends. what is the problem?"

i have no idea how to answer it.

we wouldn't have got there if i know the answer...

em... because i'm a lesbian so i can only have gfs and not bfs?

i think she kinda likes me.

i ended up getting a date with her son.

he's 25, single (as in no gf), likes to read, likes to stay at home (too bad), speaks english as his first language. that's all i know about him. and i think she mentioned before that he's quite fashionable... or is it her second son... but he's only 18 but he plays basketball.

i'm quoting her again

"we should arrange some time for you to meet my son. i think you should meet up and get to know each other. you don't have to have the idea that you have to be his gf. just get to know each other."

that's cool. she says she prefers it if her son is dating her student. 


i'm totally cool with meeting her son. 

she didn't gave me pressure by the way. the whole coaching thing is very relaxing.

she also told me that she went to the law fac and saw alot of nice looking guys. she asked me to go and join the people there if i have the chance. they're quite outspoken.

MR.JOHNNY ONG... what happened to the cute guys?!!! how can u keep them from me?!

french phrase of the post:

rendez-vous (pronounced ron-day-voo, also used in english)= date(romantic or just normal) or meeting

that's what J_fish wants to say~ Au Revoir~

p.s. whoever has problems and needs to talk to someone can tell me. i'll arrange a rendez-vous with my lect for you. help her help you. she only has less than 10 credit hours and she needs 60!

and i was kidding bout being a lesbian. i'm actively(?) looking for a bf. XD 

time for a good slapping

today i woke up and felt a lot better.

i guess crying does help with releasing stress.

so today,

i wrote out a list of things that i screwed up,

and i'm gonna fix them. (fac stuff)

no matter how long it takes.

i'm gonna face my problems that i've caused.
it's time to slap myself so that i wake up and smell the fresh air.

i think i should learn from the bimbo side of me.

they we are always happy coz we're too stupid to see problems.

happy go lucky is the best phrase to describe bimbos.

see, there's always something to learn from, even bimbos.

today's dance practice (well, techly it's yesterday) was super fun.

i got praised by the coach twice!!

dun wanna mention the times that i got compared for as the bad example. *ahem*

and we get to hunch! 

voon and me were so happy. 

i didn't notice time passing,

and before i knew it,

it was 12.

our coach had to go.

but i still felt like continuing the practice.

i sent her to KL gate in Kenny's car.

not hard to drive at all. still love manual car.

after that went to sahur.

looking forward to tomorrow's practice. 
we're gonna dance with a "qi pao" or "cheongsam" that look like this

master's gonna get a heart attack if he see's this.

maybe these are better.

the first one we can keep it for M.A.B (malam anugerah bestari)

prom of 4th college.

sure will get best dress.

mondays are not that tough after all.

phrase of the post:

comme ci comme ça (pronounced kom-si-kom-sa)

it means: like that lo. literally meaning like this like that.

sentence: how was ur day? answer: comme ci comme ça.

that's the day of J_fish~ Au revoir~

Monday, 8 March 2010

something to say awwwww for...

happy 21st birthday MY!!

sorry i missed your close friends only party.
i wanted to be there badly,

but i was just like i am, 

cursed personally by lucifer himself.

we were there ALREADY!!

and we had to take the wrong turn and ended up in the next side of town...

with heavy rain and two ppl who don't know the way.
again, my freaking ego ruins the day.

should've checked the directions properly.

i was so sad after being lost for so long

and even sadder when i decided that i don't wanna go anymore.

i don't feel hungry anymore.

the party was so awwww... so many ppl came.

and they were sincerely there for her.

not to mention the present. 

nothing like that ever happens to me. *frowns*

(thinking back to last birthday) 

i was so loved by the ppl i had to wait for them to start celebrating my own birthday.

it was like i (or my friends) begged them to come down and celebrate with me.
pathetic shit.
21st birthday.


why why why...

i think i have 

dun-b-nice-to-me labeled somewhere.

i don't treat ppl like shit by the way,

unless you do something really hateful like Vincent Lim did.

what's with romantic-ness and me...

even small things would do.

i'm an easy-awwww person but i never get the chance to do it for myself.

i always go like

awwww... he/she/they did that for you?~

you're gonna do that for him/her?~ that's so sweet...
what happened to awwww.... you did that for me?~

is it cozppl think that i don't appreciate them?

can i make a wish for my next birthday already?

i don't want fancy stuff.

just a party with ppl who really REALLY care for me.

something romantic thrown in would b great(er) *winks*

that's what J_fish wants to crap about~ Au Revoir~
p.s. did you know that the jelly fishes' mouth is also the anus?

phrase of the post:

joyeux anniversaire (pronounced jua-yer-a(like atau)-ni-ver-s-air)= happy birthday!